


It's not like I expected you to understand

by Astha6069 (AllegraRiiz)



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Unrequited Love, straight!Jinwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 16:03:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19254517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllegraRiiz/pseuds/Astha6069
Summary: A commission from Key Yuu on TwitterDo not use/reupload unless you're the commissioner!!





	It's not like I expected you to understand

**Author's Note:**

> A commission from Key Yuu on Twitter
> 
> Do not use/reupload unless you're the commissioner!!

“Hyung, look. She texted me first.” 

Mino dropped his body on the spot next to Mino, shows the short text he received a moment ago. Jinwoo was in the middle of working on things, give the phone a small glance, before responding with a faint hum. Mino said other things, happiness showed on his visage as he speaks about this girl he has a crush on. Jinwoo couldn’t stop the rambles and listen to it bitterly albeit not showing it, said something under his breath as Mino still rambling, too low for Mino to hear properly. Mino stops his blabbers, blinks once waiting for Jinwoo to repeat it but hearing none. Mino couldn’t help but curious.

“What did you say, Hyung?”  
“Nothing.”  
“No, you definitely said something.”  
“But it doesn’t mean I said something about you.”

The raised eyebrow kind of put Mino aback a little. He never has Jinwoo acts this cold around him even when Jinwoo is exhausted or in a bad mood. The older man always kind to him, pampers him like a little brother, listens and treats him much better. Yet in the past few months, Jinwoo has been rather distant and out of touch. They used to hang out together, fooling around until late together, but Jinwoo has been retreating from Mino in the past month, avoiding him as much as he can for whatever reason Mino couldn’t fathom.

“Hyung, are you okay?”  
“I am. What about it?”  
“No, just….”

Mino left the words hanging. He doesn’t know what to say, not sure how to say it. Even if he points it out, mostly Mino going to deny it anyway, flicks his forehead and follows with the gentle tone. But lately Mino could no longer be deceived but such empty words. It’s too obvious to be brushed aside. Still, he doesn’t know how to bring it up. The more he acts as if nothing happened, however, the more Jinwoo back away.

_‘I’ll ask later.’_

Thinking he needs to give Jinwoo space, he left the studio without another word.

~~~~~

Jinwoo waits until the soft click as the door closed are heard, that he stopped typing on his netbook. He lets out the breath he unconsciously been holding, slumped a little on the sofa and sigh in frustration. His heart beating fast for both good and bad reasons. Half of him glad Mino left without asking further, half of him feels lonely to be left by his own account like this, despite Mino did was his own fault for ignoring Mino.

_‘This’s bad,’_ He thought to himself, _‘There’s no way he won’t notice if I keep acting like a brat.’_

Jinwoo reached the snow globe on the table, a Christmas present Mino gave him last year. Back then, he was so happy to receive it, couldn’t stop his smile forming on his lips. If only the reality didn’t hit as fast as the morning following after, he might still look at the globe with the same light as he held it in his hands for the first time.

His mind wanders to moment ago where he saw that text. Unlike the usual cold and short message, it’s much longer and meaningful. He doesn’t even know who that person is--aside from what he saw on the photo--but seems like she started to reciprocate Mino’s feelings. He knew about Mino’s crush on this girl, he has been acting like it doesn’t bother him and listens, but seeing how they getting closer each day; the frequency of the texts and calls, greeting cards, the gifts…

The attention...

It hurts. The invisible needles stab him whenever Mino is around now, seeing how the object of his attention got someone else much important than himself. He wants to monopolize Mino, but what can he do? Aside from his preference, he can never have the most important thing. Mino’s heart belongs to someone else, maybe because he was a coward and never tell Mino how he really feels. Jinwoo just doesn’t want to break their friendship with confessing. He tried letting go but putting on distance like this only makes him feel even lonelier. The coldness he ended up showing more or less a result of him trying to forgetting Mino. And it doesn’t work a bit.

He doesn’t feel happy to see Mino is happy with someone else. 

~~~~~

The stupid game prolonged as none trying to resolve it. Mino is too scared to ask, and Jinwoo is too stubborn to stop acting like a brat. The silent treatment wasn’t enough, soon turned into some interrogation session. Obviously, Jinwoo will never answer properly, will dodge the question or blatantly ignoring it. At first, Mino feels bad for keep pushing. But the way Jinwoo keep backing away from him, giving him cold shoulder, it drives him mad for real.

“Hyung, just what the hell happened to you?”  
“I got tired of hearing you asking that, you know.”  
“Then answer me!”

It was not his intention, but Mino got so frustrated that he could no longer control his anger. Jinwoo’s surprised expression hurts him in a place he never expected, but his emotion drives him to ignore it. From the beginning, he really has no idea what this about.

“What did I do to you, Hyung?” Mino’s voice is low, seeping with pain, “Do you hate me that much?”  
“What? You’re exaggerating--”  
“Which part of me is exaggerating if you keep acting like I’m not even here! If I offend you in any way, then say it! How am I supposed to understand??”

Mino slammed his hand on the table as he said the last sentence. The loud bam filling the room, hurting Jinwoo’s ears who sits right across. Jinwoo looks away, refused to stares into Mino’s eyes. The guilt of treating Mino that way halfly makes him feel regret, and he really wants to apologize about that. But--

“Hyung, if I offend you in any way, I’m sorry.” Mino cut his line of thought, “It hurts me to see you like this, like… like you’re hurt by something. It hurts me too. I want you to share as I did to you.”  
“I--”  
“We’re friends, right?”

The sudden pain hit his heart makes Jinwoo’s eyes twitched.

“Right, Hyung?”

Jinwoo can’t answer. What kind of answer can he give, knowing that he never see Mino as a mere friend like he just said?

“If anything, please tell me. Or else I won’t understand.”

Mino’s hand reaches to Jinwoo’s shoulder, but Jinwoo is too hurt to let Mino acts like he used to do, slaps the hand away and rose from his seat. Jinwoo’s sudden movement surprised Mino a bit. The hand slapped by Jinwoo is still in the air.

“It’s not like I ever expected you to understand.” Jinwoo’s tone is much colder than Mino ever heard, “It’s useless.”  
“What? How could you say that, Hyung? You don’t even--”  
“I don’t owe you any explanation. Don’t ask me. Don’t reach out to me. Don’t associate yourself with me. I don’t want to be your friend. Not like this.”

Mino’s eyes widened along with the cold words coming out of Jinwoo’s lips. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, how to react, this isn't like what expected, to be brushed away by the person he cherishes like a brother one-sidedly and not even a single reason being made.

“Hyung--”  
“Leave. I don’t…. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

Albeit froze for a moment, Mino ended up leaving for real. The door was harshly slammed shut, leaving Jinwoo alone in silence. The studio where both of them used to spent their time together, now feeling too cold, spacious, and empty. 

Jinwoo stood there with head hung low, lost himself in the midst of his own sorrow. He was the one doesn’t want to break the friendship, yet he also chased Mino away for the said reason. He didn’t even confess, yet their friendship broke anyway. As it comes to this, just what he was trying to preserve?

_I don’t want to be your friend_

The words he said earlier playing inside his mind. He regrets saying it, but his heart screams something else.

“I don’t owe you any explanation.”  
 _It’s not something I can explain._

“Don’t ask me.”   
_I won’t be able to give you the proper answer._

“Don’t reach out to me.”   
_It hurts because I know you’re being sincere._

“Don’t associate yourself with me.”   
_I don’t want to get hurt over my own feelings._

“I don’t want to be your friend. Not like this.”  
 _I don’t want to be just friends…_

_I want you to be mine only._

===============

No need to say, their relationship cracked afterward.

On the surface, they still conversing in front of other people, even though the usual jokes and waves of laughter somehow reduced significantly. Yet since they’re in a circle of men, even if somebody bound to notice, none will bother asking as long as it doesn’t affect their work.

Mino will glance at Jinwoo’s way in the middle of the meeting. He doesn’t know since when Jinwoo has been wearing that cold aura surrounding him. Their tight schedules and piling works get in a way for Mino to reaching out. After that lash out Jinwoo did, he has been trying to apologize. He still had no idea what he did wrong, what makes Jinwoo suddenly changed to the worse side. Asking around indirectly, there seems to be no one has an idea. Jinwoo is not particularly withdrawn. He is sociable enough, even. Yet none ever heard if Jinwoo has some unresolved problems. Nothing.

“Mino, you hear me?”

Mino snapped back from his thoughts and smiles, mutters his apology and trying to focus. This job he and Jinwoo working on is too important. If he has the time to slack off, he better make sure this project went smoothly. Whatever happened between him and Jinwoo needs to be pushed aside for a moment.

After everything, by then he will try to reach out to Jinwoo once again.

 

Yet almost a month has passed, Mino still doesn’t have that chance.

 

“Hyung, are you free?”  
“What is it?”  
“There’s something I wanna talk about--”  
“Work-related?”  
“Uh, no.”  
“Save it for later, alright? I don’t have time.”

Jinwoo left without even giving Mino the chance to take a breath. Mino tried following him, but Jinwoo left their office with their other coworkers. Not even once Jinwoo spares him a glance.

After the car left the parking area, Mino still stood there. He doesn’t know what kind of method he needs to do to stop Jinwoo from avoiding him. This one-sided game of tag is getting tiring. Nothing can be resolved, but how to resolve it if Jinwoo keeps running away?

“Hyung.”

It was after another meeting. The team finally wrapped everything as the project successfully completed. Only parties are waiting for them at the end of the week, and Jinwoo will have no chance to run away anymore. Though, just because he doesn’t have the chance, doesn’t mean Jinwoo didn’t try. He just failed in his attempt, as Min already dragged him to the rooftop of the building.

“How long are you planning to do this, Hyung? You just said those… those things and I really don’t get it. You said you don’t owe me any explanation, but you do. I’m… why did you said you don’t wanna be friends with me anymore? What do you mean by that?”

Jinwoo had his eyes on the cloudy sky since then, acts like he’s tired of the world and make no sound as Mino pours his heart out. His hands inside the pocket of his suit, hidden from Mino’s eyes, formed a fist so hard his knuckles turned white. He doesn’t need to see to know what kind of face Mino is currently making. They have known each other for years, he bounds to pick on every small habit Mino has whether Mino realized it himself or not. He doesn’t need to love to catch everything. He doesn’t need special feelings to care.

But despite everything, he still loves Mino anyway.

“Are you listening to me?”

Again, Jinwoo doesn’t react.

“Hyung!!”  
“I heard you, alright?? I heard you.”  
“Then fucking act like one! Why are you like this??”  
“What do you want me to do, then?”  
“Do you even need to ask? If I did something, then tell me! If you one-sidedly ignoring me like this, what should I do??”  
“.....Right. What should I do?”

Jinwoo now had his eyes on Mino’s. As he expected, Mino’s face is wrapped in anger and frustration.

“What should I do?” Jinwoo repeats, “Being one-sided like this, what should I do?”  
“...What?”  
“It’s frustrating, I know that much.”  
“What are you talking about? Hyung, I--”  
“Listen to me, Mino. I won’t repeat what I said.”  
With those words, Mino really closed his mouth. His heart thumping loudly, anticipating for the worst. Jinwoo lowers his eyes once again. His face is painted with hollow as his mouth worded it.

“I hate how much I love you.”

Silence.  
Jinwoo’s voice is low, but he doesn’t need to say it out loud for Mino to hear. They’re alone in this room. The breeze from the air conditioner and the sounds from other machines are what filling the air. It’s clear, too much. There’s no way anyone hears it will be able to act like they don’t.

Mino is not deaf, but he admits he is rather blind. How come he never notice? Now that the words have left Jinwoo’s lips, the confusion made sense. Of course, Jinwo will act that way towards him. To have the object of their attention busy chumming with someone else, who can stay still? If Mino was in Jinwoo’s position, he would surely turn insane.

His eyes are still on Jinwoo’s figure, widened in shock. There’s no voice coming out even though his lips slightly parted. He wants to say something, anything, but what? What can he say in this situation? 

“I told you before, right?” Jinwoo’s eyes low, “It’s not like I expected you to understand. You... You have someone else, and that person returned your feeling. How are you going to understand?”

Mino feels his fingertips turned cold. Hearing it from Jinwoo pushes a strange pain deep into his heart.

“Besides, we… Even if you have no one right now, I know we won’t be together. I’m satisfied with what we currently have, I really don’t ask for more. But seeing you happy with someone else, I’m not happy.”  
“Hyung--”

Jinwoo shook his head, stopping Mino from saying any other words.

“Don’t bother. Whatever you say in this situation won’t make me feel better. You’ll only add more wounds.”  
Mino can only bite his lips as respond. As Jinwoo said, whatever he said will only hurt Jinwoo more. Listening to Jinwoo is painful as well, but it can never match the pain Jinwoo is feeling.

Jinwoo noticed the awkward silence, and he instinctively lets out a bitter laugh. He cherishes Mino so much, crushed his own self on the way, now broke their friendship altogether. Oh, did he forget to mention how he hurt Mino too with telling him how he really feels?

“Hyung, I….”

Mino’s words trailed off. Jinwoo reacts with a faint smile, trying his best to hide the bitterness which swallowed him whole since long. Even after all of this, he still can’t get angry at Mino. That’s shown just how much Mino means to him without Mino knowing.

“It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you.” Jinwoo’s tone is not as cold, washed by the sadness he no longer tries to hold, “We can’t be together, I would be lying if I said I will accept it. But… I can’t just let myself act this way forever, can I?”  
“That’s…”  
“I can’t pretend as nothing happened anymore. But my feelings will take much time until it disappears. Are you…. Okay with that?”

Mino’s mind turned upside down. As he thinks about whether he will be okay to give Jinwoo time to forget him, to have Jinwoo near him knowing Jinwoo’s feeling, terrifying shivers suddenly shot up to his spine.

Quick, Mino shook his head.

_“Sorry, Hyung.”_

===============


End file.
